You aren’t the first book I’ve ever written, nor are you the last. You’re kind of that stubborn, middle-child story that was easier than my first, yet harder than the next. You forced me to grow, as a writer, in ways that I never imagined.
In hindsight, writing went relatively smoothly, despite all the tears, headdesks, and facepalm moments. I wrote you faster than I’ve ever written a book before, thanks to this insane thing called NaNoWriMo. 80,000 words in 3 months, the first 50,000 in 30 days. I didn’t think I could do it. It took me 4 years to write your 130,000 word cousin, Chained Heart.
To be honest, I hated the writing process. I was handicapped by my perfectionism; crippled by the fact that I couldn’t get every little detail exactly right.
But I did it. You helped me prove to myself that I can write fast. That I can edit fast. That “perfect” is unattainable (and that’s OK). That I can fit writing into my everyday life. That I can get over myself and do it.
Somewhere along the way, the idea/necessity for your sequel was born. I didn’t want to write a sequel. I still don’t want to. I don’t know if I have the mental energy to write it now, or even 6 months from now. But God has big things in store for you–I can see that already–and I’m not going to shut any doors just for the sake of my own desires.
I’m very excited for what comes next, yet am hobbled by fear at the same time. You are so precious to me for so many reasons, yet I’m going to be throwing you out into a big world of readers who may or may not like you. I’m ready to make the transition from Writer to Author, but I’m half afraid that you aren’t a worthy debut novel. I don’t know if any of my novels are.
I’m afraid that if I were to wait until my novels were ‘worthy,’ I would never make the transition.
Now that we’re in the final stages of preparing you for publication, I get all the warm fuzzies as I write the epilogue, afterward, and acknowledgements. I can’t believe I’ve made it this far. I’ve wanted it to happen, d e s p e r a t e l y, since I was a little thirteen year old with big ideas. But I never thought that you would be my first published work.
a lot of times when I wondered if I would even make it past the first couple words. There have been even more times when I wondered if writing stories was worth the time and energy it took. And unfortunately, there will still be times like that…lots of them…but I will be able say to myself, “I already did it. I can do it again.”
It’s been a frustrating, maddening, yet completely awesome ride. I can’t wait to see how God will use you in the big scary world of readers.